Timestamps

00:00:00: Introduction
00:00:32: Three reframes...
00:00:42: ... 1: can't to can
00:01:39: ... 2: pessimism to optimism
00:03:21: ... 3: fixed to flexible
00:04:55: Final thoughts

Interview Transcription

Sarah Ellis: Hello everyone, Sarah here from the Squiggly Careers podcast.  This week's Squiggly Shortcut is about three reframes that are going to help you to cage your confidence gremlins.  We all have confidence gremlins.  These are the beliefs, fears and doubts that hold us back in our Squiggly Career.  They might sound like a fear of failure, I'm not good enough, fear of being found out, comparison, being caught on the spot.  There are so many to choose from.  And so, these reframes are how do you keep these gremlins caged so they don't stop you from doing all the things that you want to do in your Squiggly Career. 

So, the first reframe is how do we move from can't to can.  Our gremlins love a 'can't'.  I can't have hard conversations, so that would be one for me.  I have conflict as a gremlin.  And as soon as we say we can't do something, it just feels like there's a full stop, there's nothing we can do about it.  We're sort of accepting that's where we are and there's no change we can make.  So, rather than saying, "I can't have hard conversations", the reframe of 'I can' could be, "Well, I can ask open, curious questions".  So, when I'm in a tough conversation, maybe I'm surprised by some conflict, which means my gremlin sort of comes to life, rather than just saying, "Well, I can't do this because I can't have hard conversations", I could just say to myself, "Oh, but I can ask open, curious questions".  So, we're focusing on what we can do rather than what we can't do.  That's reframe number one. 

Reframe number two is how do we move from pessimism to optimism?  Gremlins love to be pessimistic.  They really like a bit of negativity, because it keeps us safe and means that we do things that we've done before and we don't try new things out.  So, it keeps us too comfortable.  Our gremlins like us to stay really comfortable.  And so, that pessimism might sound like, maybe you've been in a really hard conversation and you say to yourself, "Well, that meeting was a disaster and that's all my fault", or, "I just can't get any better at this".  So, the narrative that's running through our mind means that we're really down on ourselves, we're usually blaming ourselves. 

If we want to do a reframe here from pessimism to optimism, it's about spotting one very small success that you had in that moment.  So, you're still acknowledging that that meeting was hard, we're not trying to be unrealistically positive.  So, I might still say to myself, "That meeting felt hard", or, "That meeting was hard.  But one very small success I had is I did ask a good question", or, "I did raise a difficult point", or, "I was proud that I stayed present and kept listening throughout the conversation".  So, anytime you feel like your gremlin is starting to take charge and you're feeling quite negative, you've got that pessimism has kicked in, look for the optimism instead.  Not about, like I say, anything that has to be too big, just a very small success that's going to remind you that there is some good.  There's some good in every situation.  So, that's reframe two, pessimism to optimism. 

Reframe three is about moving from fixed to flexible.  And when we are fixed about our gremlins, we just tell ourselves we're not a work in progress, we're stuck and we're stalling where we are.  So, if I was thinking about my conflict gremlin, I might just say, "Well, I'm just not good at conflict, I'm zero out of ten and I can't move up that scale.  That's where I am and that's where I'm going to stay".  If we reframe that into something much more flexible, firstly, we're never quite as bad as we think we are, because we're all our own worst critics.  So, I might say, "Okay, I'm a four out of ten in terms of my capability to have more challenging conversations, to kind of disagree really usefully.  So, I'm a four out of ten". 

But when we are flexible in our thinking, we ask ourselves, "Well, what's going to get me from a four to a five?"  We're not trying to go from zero to hero, we're just trying to nudge ourself up that scale a bit to recognise that we are all a work in progress, that we've all got that neuroplasticity in our brains that means we can keep learning and growing and getting better.  And this is about having okay expectations of ourselves.  This is not going to be our finest moment because this is already something that we find hard.  But what we are trying to be is flexible in our view of our own capability, to know that we're a four, but to believe that it's possible to be a five just by taking some really small actions. 

If you want to dive deeper into caging those confidence gremlins so that they don't stop us from really enjoying our Squiggly Careers and doing all the things that we're really capable of, you can listen to episode 387 of the Squiggly Careers podcast.  That's all about how to cage your confidence gremlins.  And you can also find loads of free resources on gremlins from us on amazingif.com.  So, have a look there too.  I hope you found this useful and any feedback you ever have on the Squiggly Career podcast or on these shortcuts, you can email us, helenandsarah@squigglycareers.com.